...so i touched it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
