you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
