look no pants
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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