So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
