i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
