With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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