I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
