Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
