I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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