Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
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