Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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