Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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