I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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