I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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