4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
