Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
