The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
