if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
