Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
