i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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