I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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