I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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