some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
