i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
