i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
