you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
