I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
