yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
