sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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