if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Slut skills are useful in every country.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
