Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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