just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
