So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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