That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize