Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
