I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
