in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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