Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
