I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
