see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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