Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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