if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
