So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They have beer where we have blood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
