If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drunk is not a location!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
