you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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