she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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