okay pat passed out under dana's car
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
