I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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