$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
