If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
