It's Friday. Sex?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
