It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
