So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
