Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
