New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
