so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
