Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
