Dual....:-)
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
