I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
