Don't you send me to vm
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
