Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
