there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize