I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
