Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
