Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
