dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
