no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
