yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
third nipple confirmed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
