That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
