wrigley field is MILF paradise
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
