Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
