so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
