Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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