Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
