Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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