I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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